Faith & Spoons

I'm standing at the base of a burned out life, and today I realized it is one that I can never go back to. Not the way it was before.  And I know now that it's not one I have any desire to go back to.  So instead I stepped forward and took a step that is going to get me what I need and that is something new. A new way in faith with God, Church and Community. It won't look anything like it did before and it likely won't include any of the ministry that it did before likely. But I am okay with that.   I am going to miss some people but I refuse to sacrifice my well being or my faith for those people. People who love you, would never ask you to.  The toxic people will fight and have words and I am just going to have to learn to let them shout into the void and keep that boundary even when it means I stop opening doors for them and allowing them space and time.  I have to love myself enough to give me what they will try to take away.  I thought once we had...

  I feel like I've some how missed my entire life burning beyond recognition. I saw the fire start, but somewhere along the way, I must have gotten distracted and stopped noticing. Maybe, I didn't care. I was too busy looking at you.  Needing more the closer you got. Your words are a balm that my soul didn't know it needed. My heart is  suddenly living outside my body once again. Along side you, and I pray that's enough to keep you safe in a world that, can't easy be predicted anymore.  I find myself looking at the life I am supposed to lead and realizing that, I not only no longer fit in it, I am not even sure I want it. And maybe that's for the best after what has come to light recently.  Do I want people in my world that complain that my life, isn't up to their standard? Clearly they don't see me or they know I live within my tax bracket. I live within the place that my chronic illness, my income and my life allow and that's the only place that th...

Words to live by.  Something I was reminded of today.  I got asked for a pretty big favor by the people who hosted the church luncheon today. (Before the service began) one not in my job description.  And one I would have been doing out of the goodness of my heart.  I said yes.  Because of course I did. It's helping the people within my church doing paperwork that needs to be done. ASAP. She doesn't want to take time off work to do it.  I walked into the luncheon realizing that there was nothing safe enough for me to eat.  So she thought of me when she needed something but not in planning something at the church so that everyone could eat. (now I can see why the few others who have the same food issues also left)  So I sat finishing my coffee with a friend and walked out of the church.  I think I have pretty much decided that I am done.  I will spend the next few weeks getting the stuff done I can't hand off in its current state. Once it...

I went into this reflection paper with a very different plan than what actually transpired. As usual God’s plan is better than anything I could have come up with.  It’s only been the last 5-6 years that I’ve been back in civilization as I only half jokingly like to call it. Before then I lived in a tiny town in Ontario that no one had ever heard of. Our yard was very much like the nature preserve where I ended up walking with a friend.  Walking the preserve and being among all the huge trees I was reminded of what I had relearned in my past home. The forest is my center. It’s where I can take a full breath, slow down and stop.  But there are few spaces that are easily accessed by everyone.  If you don’t drive and/or have mobility issues  then being able to just go on a whim to a green space like this is impossible.  Our green spaces feel like they’re almost for the select few or the approved crowd as they’re never easily accessed, traveled to by foot as the...