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Coffee with Jesus

I forgot how much I loved my coffee and reflection times. Things got so busy that was just one more thing I didn't make time for.  
Until recently. 

Life is changing once again and it looks like I am going to have a lot more time for them. 
And I am realizing just how good that is, even if it means that things are going to get more stressful.

We live in a world, where people show us, how much they value us, whether we are always consciously aware of it or not.  Individuals, corporations, no one is immune, and no one can hide it. 

I was reminded of that very recently. 
By my church no less. 

I was useful when I served in a way that suited what the church wanted, and now that I am comfortable and ready to step into my own I have heard things like maybe I should find a younger church, a different denomination, or another church more in line with my ministry. A church not happily stuck in the past. 

After everything, in the last year, and there has been a LOT, this is what I get.. 

Once again I find myself looking around and wondering where Jesus is in all that we do? Or even in the why we do it. 

It's surprising how little Jesus, is mentioned in the day to day running of the church. Or how little prayer happens. How can we claim to be a faithful people when the only time Jesus comes up in the running of the church is on Sunday?

That's not even getting into the double standard and everything else that happens in the building. 
I guess, I shouldn't be surprised that I find Jesus more outside of the church than in. 

And maybe that's why I am experiencing all the things I am in the church. 

The backstabbing, the betrayal, my struggling with the lack of desire to go into the building anymore. 

Maybe this is his way of saying, it's time for more than the church can give me. 
He didn't find me in the church, so why is my default thinking church..?

Especially given the people in the church have already found Jesus, or have no desire for Jesus.  

Not everyone in church follows Jesus. Or even believes in treating people the way Jesus guides us to. And they have been very vocal on that. 

So it's on me that I keep expecting better. 

When people show you who they are, you need to believe them.  
And stop expecting change. 
People only change for the people they want to change for. 

The church is no different. 

Lately, ministry has been shifting in my mind, I knew it was going to come down to something that was outside of the church, I just wasn't sure why it was going to come to that. And I admit I resisted. 
I got trapped in the church. Tied down and busy so that God was not in the position in my life he should have been. 

So he started stripping away the trappings of the church so I could see properly.  And giving me back the time to properly put him first. 

He stripped it so far back, I can see more than most, and now it's even harder to go back into that building.  But I also feel like I have to go back. 

As much as I know it should never feel like a have. It should be because I am called. 

It's going to require a lot more prayer.  

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